I see you in those early hours.  

Been Asleep—for a little while  

Knowing your face,  

seeing nothing.  

As I chase your runaway cadaver  

Through fields of broken glass. 

Your shapeless sunken eyes  

Sadden me. 

Mausoleum door is closed, 

Yet We seem so alive.  

Running from memories, 

Let me rest for a moment. 

Breathing in sweet orange gases  

You are numb,  

so am I    

We drink from the stagnant black pools 

And Think about other times,  

Other places, long ago    

Remembering it all, 

 but forgetting the past 

We never learn. 

All the implications–too many pills  

Sudden Consequences of too many drinks 

Being found in time to be saved   

There is no sanity in suicide.  

I lie down.  

Let it flow through my veins.  

There will be no more pain.  

I want to hold hands 

under violet polluted clouds.  

This is about dream-like state I found myself after the death of someone close. The dreams were realistic yet had elements of fantasy. I had insomnia and slept rarely, but when I did these dreams of being reunited with my loved one occurred. The dreams were disturbing and comforting at the same time. My thoughts were inward as depression hit after the loss.  I was selfish. I only recognized my own pain and not the others around me who were suffering. What saved me was becoming less self-involved and working with handicapped children.  I was needed to be present in the world instead of my self-imposed exile from the people who needed me. I would say, if anyone considers taking their life that they get therapy, help others, or talk to someone (anyone). You are not alone. There is no ‘sanity in suicide’ and the feeling passes.  You just must look outside yourself to find comfort in troubled times.